“Where words fail, music speaks.” ― Hans Christian Andersen
Have you ever heard the sound of your own grief?
Are there any more emotions left to feel in 2020? Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. No matter your circumstances, this year has been an inescapable cycle of grief. Grief for what could have been; grief for what was; grief for the blatant injustices happening all around us. It’s times like these that I fall back into music heavy, knowing its the only thing that can carry me through the storm.
Back in April, the impact of COVID began to take hold of me mentally and I started writing what has now become “How to Grieve”. Initially, this piece came from a place of immense anger and outright denial. I was infuriated by a world that devalued human life based solely on someone’s skin color. I was enraged by the lack of empathy shown for those that would be most impacted by this virus. And selfishly, I was devastated. Devastated that so many opportunities I had worked tooth-and-nail for were suddenly (seemingly) gone. For a while, I merely existed in a haze of disbelief...
Each time I sat down to write more of "How to Grieve", I found myself in a different headspace from the previous writing session. My shifts in perspective, changes in mood, and evolution of feelings were all being captured, one session at a time - known, yet unbeknownst to me. Slowly, the track began to take on a life of its own. As I finished the arrangement and took a listen to my completed track for the first time, it all hit me like a wave crashing down! Every single emotion I felt over the last 5 months was undeniably present. I was literally listening to my grief. I heard my moments of denial, screamed through the drops that captured my anger, bargained my way through the pain, and experienced the sound of my own depression. All in 4 minutes. It was so powerful. It literally brought me to tears. At that moment, the song had already named itself, I just finally realized it.
By releasing “How to Grieve”, my hope is that this piece makes space for your emotions; space for your experiences, and space for your personal healing as it has done for me. We all know that music has the power to make the unspeakable heard. All we have to do is listen.
Find a quiet place, get comfortable, turn this track on, and close your eyes.
Listen on Soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/djcanvas/how-to-grieve
DL & Stream on Spotify, Apple Music & Bandcamp: https://ffm.to/canvas-htg
With deep love and healing,
-Ri
For more information and resources on managing grief and mental health visit:
Suicide Prevention Hotline
Crisis Text Hotline (Text HOME to 741741 to connect with a Crisis Counselor)
Disaster Distress Helpline
Therapy of Black Girls
LGBTQ+ Counseling & Therapy
QPOC Counseling & Therapy
Counseling & Therapy